Worry Does Not Equal Love

Worry is not love. But if it were, modern parents would be “love bombing” big time! Parents today have legitimate reasons to worry about their kids. Your mind tricks you into believing the more accurately you catastrophize and ruminate the more you can protect your kids from scary outcomes.

Worrying changes nothing but it is both natural and reactive, so it’s difficult to stop - especially when it comes to your child. It’s going to happen. So, knowing you can’t quit worrying cold turkey, here’s a way to help manage your “doom thinking.”

Think about how you feel when you know someone is worried about you. Yes, it denotes care, but can make you feel like they don’t believe you’re capable of managing your own life without their oversight. So it is with your kids! Your worry projects you believe more in their limitations than their potential. The New York Post reported a study showing parents spend an astounding 37 hours weekly (80 full days per year) worrying about their children's safety.

Parents do see their worrying as being extreme. That said, it exacerbates their children’s feelings of failing and lack of purpose. And just like an addiction to social media, parents can be addicted to worry. So what will it take to break this bad habit?

Parents want their kids to be happy, but kids also want to see their parents happy too. It turns out the happier parents are with themselves the happier kids tend to be as well.

Stop going about it backwards. Parents think if they protect their children from pain and give them the world it’ll create endless happiness for them. The evidence against this is overwhelming.

Kids do what they see so, if you’re stressed about them, they’ll stress about you. This is known as “modeling behavior.” According to a Harvard University study, “Depressed teens are about five times more likely than non-depressed teens to have a depressed parent, and anxious teens are about three times more likely than non-anxious teens to have an anxious parent.”

As parents, your mental health is a key issue to address that will help unlock your child’s own happiness. Children will see how you react to things - body issues, financial issues, marital/relationship issues, etc. If scratching your heads while worrying about how to protect and propel your kids, consider beginning with yourselves.

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